An obscure Caribbean news agency has reported that the United States Navy aircraft carrier John F. Kennedy, recently spared from decommissioning, has collided with a tanker during refueling operations.
A press spokesman for OPNAV denied this report in no uncertain terms. "The Kennedy has not been involved in an accident," he said. "The entire report is absurd; the JFK is operating close to base and required no refueling. No tankers are even in her area."