Saturday, February 28, 2009

BREAKING NEWS: URANIUM ABOARD PIRATED SHIP

The ship seized by pirates off the coast of Somalia is known to be carrying the nuclear material commonly called “yellowcake.”

A message sent over open channels by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard leaked the information.

The message contained vital information saying there are nuclear materials on board the Panamanian Vessel MV Straat Malakka. The message between the Iranians and the Russians indicated that the two may have been collaborating to transport nuclear materials.

The Russian destroyer, according to its captain, had been following the pirated vessel as part of an international anti-piracy effort.

But the message between the Iranians and makes it appear as if the Russians knew of the nuclear cargo. “ We would like to remind you that you were providing an armed escort for a ship full of uranium,” the Islamic Revolutionary Guard wrote in its message addressed “you @#&%^$#* idiots. “

The message, which would have been intercepted by intelligence and military agencies across the region, is nearly certain to force the American vessels placed in the sphere by CentCom, the U.S. Middle Eastern military command, to seize the vessel.

This action, though not confirmed by CentCom, would be against usual U.S. policy on piracy in the region, where the U.S. does not have official diplomatic relations with many of the players, including Yemen and Somalia’s Puntland itself.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton remained largely out of view during the crisis, though her office did confirm the cargo of yellowcake shortly after the message, received by INN reporters in nearby Eyl, went out.

The White House never issued a comment, nor did the NSA or the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Warning!

This is part of a foreign policy simulation for the Patterson School of Diplomacy and International Commerce. The events depicted are not actually happening.